feeling closer to 7 than 21...

this is me being more vulnerable than i ever have in my life.

im sitting on the couch crying right now because my penguin is gone, and im about to go past crying into the bawling territory. i could make a long list of crap thats happened in the last month that has made me sad and teary... but teary is where i drew the line. i would drive... listen to loud screaming music, let a little out and then make it stop. but today its not stopping. all because of my stuffed animal.

i was telling candice today how dumb i felt because i was getting so emotional about this and she said that it was ok because jim isnt a jerk. jim is the best friend ive ever had. i got him in jr. high on my way to youth convention, at party city. so hes been there for everything. i sleep with him every night so much that his stuffing was worn away into the shape of my hug. so he looks slightly anorexic. he soaked in my many tears from missed plus one concerts to watching all of my best friends move way. he sat up with me through scary movie nights and provided comfort in my teen angst, before teen angst even existed. he knows all of my secrets.

i know he has to be SOMEWHERE. but as im sitting here with tears brimming my eyes i feel like everything is hopeless i want to curl up and cry myself to sleep, but its not the same without him there....