i didnt really have anything to do tonight. after sitting on the couch complaining of my boredom for awhile i finally gave up and when to the bank to withdraw my rent money to at least be somewhat productive. on my way there i was deciding on things i could do to pass time besides just taking nyquil and passing out for the night haha and i settled on cleaning my room. it didnt take long because the only thing that was really making it messy was the giant air matress covering the floor.
i decided to take on a huge pile of CDs that have been sitting in my room since we moved. blank burned cds. new cds i havent even opened. cd cases missing cds and who knows where the heck they actually are. They all needed to be added to my cd case that i honestly havent opened in months. most people probably dont know this but im very particular about my cd case. everything is alphabetical. it has been for as long as i can remember. every artist is in its correct place... although not perfectly alphabetical because you see artists cannot be split up. all of the FIF cds have to be next to each other, on the same page. weird.. i know.
anyway i set out to add this pile of discs into my case and i knew it would take awhile because of my particular orginzation. who knew that looking through a case of, to anyone else, meaningless discs would actually make me so emotional. this case holds my life, my youth. so many memories are held in that one case, i thought i would share a few... or alot. lol
Nilrebna: Its a burned CD of Anberlin's Blueprints for the Blackmarket. Amber made it for me and cleverly disguised the title so that no one would steal it from me. hahaha
Blindside [The Great Depression]: I went to this tour for my 18th birthday with Amber and Brittany. We played Rummy outside the glasshouse for hours and Brittany HATED it. Christian walked by and everyone swooned. It was the sweatiest show i have ever been to moisture was dripping from the ceiling.
The Classic Crime [Albatross]: this cd is one of my favorites of all time. i adore The Classic Crime. theres one song that i used to listen to when i was driving and sad. its called Headlights. "A summer drive away from dying: a broken heart nothing to lose. I know it hurts so bad just trying to please the ones you hate to love."
Disney Volume I, II, & III: Everytime i drove around danielle, zoran, brian, and nani. danielle would pick these cds. every.time.
Dogwood [Seismic]: i got this CD the first time i saw dogwood play live. i went with amber, stacey, brittany, and danielle. we almost died on the freeway on the way there. i felt horrible all night because i felt like i was betraying denise for seeing dogwood without her after she moved to CO. the next day herman asked me to look into booking dogwood for the fire zone's opening night.
Falling up [dawn escapes]: I was supposed to marry joe. He was my age, still in high school when i saw them perform for the first time. I learned their songs that day because amber and i bought their cd because they were opening for Kutless, TFK, and FM Static. it was one of the best lineups ever. Amber and i played frizbee in the parking lot and our frizbee went under kutless' tour bus. i had to crawl under the bus to get it out.. it was the day mean kyle became mean kyle. he wouldnt get us a broom.
Five Iron Frenzy [the end is near]: i went to this show with amber, denise, shanna, and brandon.. i think thats it. it was a tense day because of all the friend drama. i was unhappy most of the show because we got split up and i knew that it was going to get shoved in my face that i was being exclusive. we made it to the front for five iron and i had long hair and no hair tie.
Hawk Nelson [letters to the president]: i got this CD autographed at Joshua Fest. I hung out with the guys of HN for like an hour discussing the greatness of cup o noodle and how their code word was mayonnaise!
Number One Gun [all of them!]: i learned NOG's songs by going to NOG shows. not by listening to their CDs. i saw them at least twice a month for almost a year. we knew them... and their manager kyle.. and i was in their music video for The Starting Line.. where i first met cameron from ephraim.
Plus One:... i just wont say anything here haha
PAX217: i bought their check your pulse EP at a show at the glass house... i forgot a camera that night and i was so pissed.
Relient K: the first burned CD i ever owned. my aunt kathy made it for me. i saw relient k live once and disliked them because of the lead singer matt's attitude he was sooooo lame! but i never got rid of the cd because it was my first burned cd.
Tight Selena Songs: i made this cd after i watched the movie Selena with Denise and bawled.
Sanctus Real [fight the tide]: my autograph says "Stacee- Thanks for all the toppings Matt 1 Tim 4:12" Amber and i baked brownies for all the bands at this show for a contest Hawk Nelson was having. Sanctus Real was super excited about it.
Seven Places [lonely for the last time]: stacey told morgan that she was bff with seven places. morgan believed her... and amber and i had to remind stacey who seven places was every time we played the cd.
Stellar Kart [all gas no break]: This cd has some of the most annoying songs on it. i let zoran borrow it and then told him he could just keep it because i would never listen to it again... i still have the cd sleeve bc its autographed to me. its the only "missing" cd that i know where it is.
Underoath [they're only chasing safety]: another one of my most favorite cds. i always listen to it when i need loud screaming music because im angry or frustrated... while most people dont know what the heck they're saying... i know almost every word they're screaming.
i'll stop there because this is forever long. those arent even all the memories... and it doesnt nearly sum up the emotion that is overflowing everywhere tonight. its sad... heartbreaking how things have changed. im not sure im happy with who ive become when i compare myself to who i was then. i look at those times and i remember how great they were how happy i was and i look at now and im just tired. tired of having to second guess my every move. tired of the girl drama. tired of waiting. tired of everyone talking about changing things... but never seeing the change. tired of not really living. i want to make new memories.
Forever and a day
7 years ago
