how long you were going to wait to *live* and stop hanging your life on other peoples expectaions and desires

this is going to be a random post full of rambles that dont make much sense. just a warning.

after i almost burst into tears today at work when a coworker asked how i was.. and i felt like they actually meant it. my "mom patron" came in. [not to be confused with my "mom coworker" lol] we had a discussion about lasik eye surgery and how she was going in for a consultation tomorrow, but she was scared. after discussing fears and how someone digging in your eye was way different than needles digging into your skin [she thought my henna was real LOL] she said, it would be nice to just wake up in the morning and be able to see. then she said, its a shame the first thing i would see is my husband. then she laughed and said, no im totally kidding. im still very much in love with my husband after all these years. it was so cute.

i got a book from the library today called "its a wonderful lie: 26 truths about life in your twenties" heres an excerpt:

"The labels 'permanent adolescents' and 'boomerangers'-- as in we listlessly boomerang back into our parents' homes-- imply that out of laziness, we would much prefer to waste our lives loafing while watching afternoon television and munching Fritos on our parents' couch. CNN has specifically accused twentysomethings of wanting merely to 'lay around.'

We dont languish in our state of limbo, however, as much as we battle it. Simply put it is more difficult to be a twentysomething now than it was forty years ago. We face the most competitive hiring pool in history, with increasing numbers of college graduates. Furthermore, the age at which older generations expect us to succeed is rapidly plummeting; no longer is a thirty-year-old CEO deemed a whiz kid. With professional athletes drafted out of high school and A-list singer-actors in their teens, we're made to feel that if we haven't achieved something monumental by age twenty five, then we're already over the hill."

*shrugs* yeah basically.

these are some lyrics from a song i was listening to on the way home from work.

Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
But we'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

and i'll leave you with a few secrets. a friend recently told me that if i ever decided to pick up and leave i had to tell her first.. because most of the secrets that i have involve leaving. its kinda funny that the idea of leaving is so obvious in my subconscious but when its brought to the front of my mind its at the top of my "most terrified of" list.










its been a long... difficult last few days. thank you to the amazing friends i have <3