what did i ever do to YOU?!

ive had a really good week.

tuesday i went to see frank. <4!!! thursday i went to chain reaction where i havent been in SO long, and i laughed... alot. friday a bunch of us went to cassi's play, so amazing. :D and then went roaming around until we decided to light graffiti @ rocketship park. saturday was a horrible day at work. so horrible. :[ and today, sunday was really fun. cassandra came over for lunch and then her, susanna, and i went out to disneyland rode space mountian, bought at concert ticket @ HOB and came home. and then later candice came over, which always makes me happy :]

but now that its 11:46 and im still not done with my homework for the week im feeling really blahish. i thought going to school working in my major was going to be fun. its not. i hate the homework... mostly. sometimes its enjoyable, when i actually get to take pictures. which happens for ONE of my FOUR classes this semester. so i just put everything off till the last minute. which will be midnight tomorrow. and im paying so so so much money for this... its ridiculous. i'm starting to second guess my decision. :| i hate being a grown up and having to make decisions... i always fail at them.

and this is where i will end because if i say anymore i will be breaking my goals.

i went to my suicide hotline church last night...

about a month ago i log onto one of my alltime favorite websites to find that Frank Warren is speaking at USC in September. throughout the day i got about 4 texts from RANDOM people that i havent talked to since high school, telling me what i had already read. haha.

well last night was the night. i got off work. drove straight to alexis' house picked her up and headed out to USC. we got to the auditorium about 45 minutes early and stood behind some super obnoxious people the whole time. once the line FINALLY starts moving we get all the way to the door only to be told that very few people are going to be let in because the place is packed. yeah well, very few people totaled to FOURTEEN people. AND because the place was so packed they were filling random empty seats through the auditorium... best night ever! we were seated in the 2nd row center, while the obnoxious people in front of us were all the way up in the balcony. win. ;]

it was so amazing. I've seen frank warren give the whole post secret presentation before... but its just so wonderful i cant even explain how happy i was to be there... i feel stupid saying that, but it is something i truely love. just thought i would share..

without the shades and the hair you can go anywhere

i feel like im failing in the "being a friend" area of my life lately.

its been a about a year [give or take for a few friends here and there] since i *really* started having more than just one friend. and i dont think anyone understands exactally how hard thats been for me... not even me. its hard for me to open up and be trusting [clearly!] and the fact that ive found people to open up to, just ever so slightly, makes me uncomfortable.

don't get me wrong its not an "i dont trust you or believe that you'll keep my stupid secrets" kind of uncomfortable. its a "i'm being really honest with you, and i think i'm hurting you in the process, and hurting you is the very LAST thing i would ever want to do, but i dont know how to change my point of view so i should probably just put another layer of plastic wrap over my book and shut up so we stop fighting and i stop being a burden" kind of uncomfortable.

having people depend on and even... *shudders* love me back when i love them is HARD for me. [yes i know that sounds stupid.] i really do love you all so much i don't mean to make it hard to love or even like me.

so i guess what im trying to say is i'm sorry. give me time... im working on being a better friend.

when it rains...

brooklyn freedom. fersher.

so this is kind of a real post.

i need another job. not a new job... but an additional job. im like b-r-o-k-e. i have about $20 to last me till the 15th. im not clearly not the best budgeter in the universe. and im not complaining... dont get me wrong. its my own fault that i havent gotten another job.

i was just looking at my spending report and my bank statement and during the month of august i spent $67.61 eating out. WTF. thats insane. i cant afford that!

so this is my kindofsortof public statement that im going to start spending my money more wisely.. since its basically nonexistant anyway haha... and the first way im going to do that is cutting eating out. and maybe that will help me lose weight.

the end.

im slippin into the lava

ive been insanely busy latey. and its been amazing fersher. but i dont feel like writing about it. so i will leave you with an obnoxious amout of secrets.

i want to swim away but dont know how...