i could "blog-a-day" all 30 days right now...

i have about a thousand blog ideas running through my mind. but if i was to be honest anything i write is going to be a giant pile of word vomit. so heres to another "blog" of nothing really important.

a photographer that i blogstalk posted today.
shes selling her time.
$475 for a one hour phone conversation
$550 for one hour in person
$1500 for 1/2 day with her
$2800 for a full day
$4500 for a "wedding weekend"

she'll basically teach you everything she knows... natural lighting, shooting manually, pricing, getting clients who love you, branding, lens selection... wow.

some days its hard to be a one girl revolution.

gosh, today sucked.

the end.

i got nothin'.....

i had about 5 "draft" blogs started... and then stopped because i cant get my thoughts sorted out enough to *really* write anything. =/ so i leave you with some lyrics.



There's so much on my mind lately
I can't make out my own thoughts anymore
I don't know where one begins and the other one ends
I wish that I could push a button
And turn it all off just for a little while
Long enough to take a breath and then I'll know


It'll be OK
It'll be alright


There's so much that needs done lately
I can't make out what's important anymore
I don't know where my needs begin and someone else's ends
I don't wanna let anybody down cause
I feel like I'm falling down when I do
But for now would someone else please volunteer to say


It'll be OK
It'll be alright


Life is hard for everyone so let's
blow it all off just for a Little while
Let's take a break it'll still be there when we get back
I always try to solve all our problems by
Working real hard going just another mile
But every now and then I think we should let it go and say


It'll be OK
It'll be alright


This is my last verse
and it's for everyone feeling not so great Today
We don't know what's coming just around the bend
Always hard to believe in your own life
easier to find belief From a friend
I'll hope for you, you for me
And together we can say


It'll be OK
It'll be alright

bonding... while taking measurements... at alexis's house.

so, i have the day off tomorrow... or today. its a whole 24 hours of me time. im slightly torn as to what im going to do.

my plan was work and laundry. clean out my car. you know fun stuff like that. but now i have the greatest desire to go to disneyland. i cant decide if its lame to go alone or amazing beyond ALL comprehension. i could always work on monday... before going to *real* work. but i told puppy that i would stay home with her all day tomorrow. =[

decisions decisions....

thundercats are gooooooooooooooo!

10 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. i watch the same movies over and over... mostly so i can multitask.
2. my toenails have to be painted. its the law.
3. i love to be in my pajamas.
4. my desktop background is james marsden.
5. i think when people are confessing their undying love for someone, it should be done in song. HAHA!
6. when im sad i like to sleep. it takes the edge off.
7. i LOVE coffee.
8. i dont think i could live without eyeliner.
9. i think life would be more fun if it was a musical.
10. my friends are better than your friends. ;]

9 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

1. text messages, everytime. =]
2. my puppy.
3. golden spoon.
4. wednesdays.
5. being with my bestest friends.
6. late night bible studies.
7. driving long distances.
8. postsecret.
9. taking pictures.

8 THINGS THAT TICK ME OFF:

1. dumb drama.
2. my stupidity.
3. when my friends are sad. =[
4. when angsting fills my house.
5. a-holes.
6. this "season" of my life. [sometimes]
7. uncertainty =[
8. my emo tendencies.


7 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. travel. a lot.
2. get a tattoo. [or 3]
3. have my own apartment.
4. get closer to my Jesus everyday.
5. get DVR!!!
6. have an amazing underwater photoshoot.
7. get a phone with a keyboard.

6 MEMORIES:

1. that one time a guy got hit by a car right in front of us. on my birthday.
2. when 2/5 of plus one emailed my dad. haha!
3. hawaii *sigh*
4. meeting johnny depp.
5. when the 'less than three' girls started hanging out <3
6. my first surprise party. =]

5 THINGS THAT I BELIEVE IN:

1. God.
2. miracles.
3. the amazingness of my friends.
4. that waking up to coffee is amazing.
5. the importance of dying books. [if i cant cry about my life i can at least cry about my books]

4 THINGS THAT I'M AFRAID OF:

1. getting old.
2. living to long.
3. dissapointing people.
4. hell.

3 THINGS I NEED RIGHT NOW:

1. the office season 2.
2. a fisheye lens.
3. more water.

2 THINGS I WANT TO DO TODAY:

1. make a postsecret [but i wont haha].
2. do something fun [which i wont].

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW:

1. whoever wants to see me.

a happy homecoming..

my life is once again right.

yesterday when i called the campground there was no sign of jim. but after the comments asking if i had called i was like what the heck... call again the worst that happened is they tell me no again.

The woman, Christy, who is amazing! told me they did find a lost stuffed penguin and he is going to be shipped to me!!! i am about to cry again. *happy face* so thanks for all the words of encouragement in my distraughtness and the little prayers that were said so that i would find him. he is officall found. =]

[and that pic was taken on jim's 3rd bday... years ago. when i still had brown hair haha.]

feeling closer to 7 than 21...

this is me being more vulnerable than i ever have in my life.

im sitting on the couch crying right now because my penguin is gone, and im about to go past crying into the bawling territory. i could make a long list of crap thats happened in the last month that has made me sad and teary... but teary is where i drew the line. i would drive... listen to loud screaming music, let a little out and then make it stop. but today its not stopping. all because of my stuffed animal.

i was telling candice today how dumb i felt because i was getting so emotional about this and she said that it was ok because jim isnt a jerk. jim is the best friend ive ever had. i got him in jr. high on my way to youth convention, at party city. so hes been there for everything. i sleep with him every night so much that his stuffing was worn away into the shape of my hug. so he looks slightly anorexic. he soaked in my many tears from missed plus one concerts to watching all of my best friends move way. he sat up with me through scary movie nights and provided comfort in my teen angst, before teen angst even existed. he knows all of my secrets.

i know he has to be SOMEWHERE. but as im sitting here with tears brimming my eyes i feel like everything is hopeless i want to curl up and cry myself to sleep, but its not the same without him there....

not ready to be THAT grown up...

so, i still cant find jim.... i have torn apart my room.. my car... and walked aimlessly around the house looking.

ive asked around and everyone remembers seeing him... they just dont remember where. =[[[[

all i drempt about last night was replacing him with a build-a-bear. if i really cant find him by tonight im going to become hysterical. to much crap has happened lately for me to have to give up jim too.

home from camping...

and. im about to go to bed. when i cant find jim... i know fersher he came home.

i just cant FIND him!! =[ how am i going to go to sleep!?!?! =[