taken directly from the PostSecret website...
"
there are no words, in any language verbal or pictorial, that could ever describe how much i wish this postcard were for me.
today is my last visit to the site, never again. it hurts too much, seeing postcards like the one i need, knowing it will never come."
Its not that i feel this way, its that i can feel the pain of the people who posted this. PostSecret breaks me like nothing else.
my life is spiraling downward. i couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You,' and 'Rip Apart My Soul,' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab."... wait. jk.
so, its been an insanely long time since i posted a *real* blog. and its basically because i went thru and read my old blogs and was like. crap. i dont want this to be the place i come and be emo. i dont want to be *that girl* where you see i updated and think "great. another sarcastically sad post because her life is crappy." haha.
i read my less-than-three girls blogs and everyone is posting how God is moving amazingly in their lives and doors are being opened and i am so so so so SO happy to hear that! i dont want to be the downer blog. so i havent really posted. because lately my impulse posts... would be pretty emo. AND i should be able to be grown up and actually talk about my issues instead of blogging vague emotastic paragraphs that make sense to no one. [like that will ever happen! HAHA]
so heres a little peek into my brain. In an effort to really "blog". A thought that was brought on by the beth moore bible study tonight. After every passover comes a pentecost. We all know the story of Jesus' betrayal after "the last supper" that supper was Passover... and basically not the best day ever. Then 50 days later, was the Day of Pentecost, after Jesus accended to Heaven He told His followers to wait, because He was going to send "the comforter". He KNEW what was going to happen!! And He told them to wait because He wanted them to experiance it! God's not going to leave me because He already knows whats going to happen. Hes not looking at my life saying "wow, she *is* emo! that sucks." *walks away* =[ I'd like to imagine He's looking at me in anticipation of the ending of this season, excited to see the day that *im* excited to be alive. [i think there will be lots of glitter falling around me that day haha] just thought id share. the end.
im kinda suddenly stressed out. but i was listening to this song yesterday and i love it so... so im sharing it with you as i avoid making the effort to post a real blog.
Replace Me - Family Force 5
My Batteries died sometime ago
Gotta heart shaped box where they must go
Corrosion's building everyday
My flesh is leading me astray
that's why I started to decay
and I will slowly rot away
but I can't feelthat anyway
This heart it wants to beat
These Lungs they want to breathe
These eyes they wants to see
Gotta Mouth that wants to sing
Desperation
Needing YOU
Every last breath
I scream for YOU
Shatter me into a million pieces...Make me new
Crush me, tear me, break me, mold me
Make me what YOU want me to be
I am yours for YOU to use
Oh, Take and Replace me with YOU
Needing more than just a jump start to get me through
My disconnection is now the issue.....
I miss my 1st love bad and its driving me mad
Just Like a mixed up crazy person out of his head
Its been a long long time I've been on the decline
I do an a-bout face so I can be replaced. 180!!!
This heart it wants to beat
These Lungs they want to breathe
These eyes they wants to see
Gotta Mouth that wants to sing
Desperation
Needing YOU
Every last breath
I scream for YOU
Shatter me into a million pieces...Make me new
Crush me, tear me, break me, mold me
Make me what YOU want me to be
i have about a thousand blog ideas running through my mind. but if i was to be honest anything i write is going to be a giant pile of word vomit. so heres to another "blog" of nothing really important.
a photographer that i blogstalk posted today.
shes selling her time.
$475 for a one hour phone conversation
$550 for one hour in person
$1500 for 1/2 day with her
$2800 for a full day
$4500 for a "wedding weekend"
she'll basically teach you everything she knows... natural lighting, shooting manually, pricing, getting clients who love you, branding, lens selection... wow.
i had about 5 "draft" blogs started... and then stopped because i cant get my thoughts sorted out enough to *really* write anything. =/ so i leave you with some lyrics.
There's so much on my mind lately
I can't make out my own thoughts anymore
I don't know where one begins and the other one ends
I wish that I could push a button
And turn it all off just for a little while
Long enough to take a breath and then I'll know
It'll be OK
It'll be alright
There's so much that needs done lately
I can't make out what's important anymore
I don't know where my needs begin and someone else's ends
I don't wanna let anybody down cause
I feel like I'm falling down when I do
But for now would someone else please volunteer to say
It'll be OK
It'll be alright
Life is hard for everyone so let's
blow it all off just for a Little while
Let's take a break it'll still be there when we get back
I always try to solve all our problems by
Working real hard going just another mile
But every now and then I think we should let it go and say
It'll be OK
It'll be alright
This is my last verse
and it's for everyone feeling not so great Today
We don't know what's coming just around the bend
Always hard to believe in your own life
easier to find belief From a friend
I'll hope for you, you for me
And together we can say
It'll be OK
It'll be alright
so, i have the day off tomorrow... or today. its a whole 24 hours of me time. im slightly torn as to what im going to do.
my plan was work and laundry. clean out my car. you know fun stuff like that. but now i have the greatest desire to go to disneyland. i cant decide if its lame to go alone or amazing beyond ALL comprehension. i could always work on monday... before going to *real* work. but i told puppy that i would stay home with her all day tomorrow. =[
decisions decisions....
